The old has passed, the new has come.
A time to reflect back, and a time to look forward.
At the start of 2007, I made a resolution;
After months and months of contemplating whether or not to continue my struggle in PwC, and after battling with health problems, I send in my resignation letter.
It was a difficult decisions to make, I had to explain my course of actions to many people, including an Audit Partner. Of course, I was persuaded to stay. But I stood firm to my decision and left in Feb.
At first my parents where disappointed that I choose to left. They were more in favour that I stayed – at least until my bond is up (that will be until Nov 2009). But it was on the day that I send in my resignation letter, that my dad send me a sms to tell me that he’s supportive of my decision and is proud of me no matter what. I was in tears when I read that sms, coz it was the first time my dad has explicitly stated that he was indeed proud of me.
I took time off to reflect on what to do next. I spoke to a few people for directions on what to do next, polish up my resume and attended a couple of interviews. It was somewhere in May that I took the Hong Leong’s offer. Life is Hong Leong is much different than it was in PwC, in many different aspects. I’m still learning to assimilate in to the culture and people in my workplace. Indeed, there’s very much to learn here, and in fact, I’ve learned much more than I did back in PwC. It was a decision that I never regret making, and I never look back since.
Took two papers for my ICAEW examinations. One in July and the other in November. These two papers have really push my limits to the test, as I was struggling to balance between work, studies and family. Doing revision from late morning to late night in the college library is not exactly my forte, considering that I’m really lazy when it comes to studying. My parents have been complaining that the rarely see me at home for that matter. Additional pressure from JC (he was freaking out most of the time so my duty was to console him even though I needed consoling) made this paper more difficult to me. But with God's mercy and grace, both of us manage to pull through both papers this year.
Looking forward to what 2008 will bring :)
“Cap your year, what have you been through for the year, as you can remember/recalled now?”
I think it would be a good idea to do a lil recap of my life for year 2006… Here it goes… So I first started writing blogs on this very lil website early January. And from there I was expressing my inner thoughts and I do feel slightly more comfortable as my blog remains semi-anoynomous, with only a few close family and friends reading this site on a frequent basis. I guess my year started off pretty well. Made a few new year resolutions (which none was accomplised up till now – too late already I suppose). Thought I had some teething problem with work – as I’ve only started working in Aug 2005 when I was only 19. Told myself that I would make it through this new milestone in my life. Just need a lil bit more courage and strenght I suppose, but that was what I thought back then.
In Febuary, life took a turn when my relationship of 3 years ended. Though it was more or less expected, there’s still that feeling of sadness but end of the day, no regrets as I knew we both worked very hard to try to salvage as much as we both could. At the end of the day, I still stick to the believe that if it’s not meant to be, it’s just not meant to be. Two words - fate and destiny.
Back in March, the feeling of resentment towards work grew even stronger. At first I disregard it as “peak-period stress” or even still considered it as teething problem. Somehow, I do not feel satisfied and contentment in what I do. But I somehow I manage to tell myself that I’m stronger than all of this and I will make I through. Had a big argument with my Kor, who somehow made me really mad at him. But things between us was resolved eventually.
I started to get close to a colleague of mine. We were batchmates. Somehow, I really find myself at ease communicating with him. And with that ex-college friend trying to get close to me with intention of more than being just friend, I was kinda glad to have a friend of the opposite sex with no other intentions but pure friendship in mind. I started attending ICAEW class for a taxation paper and was sitting next to him in all my classes. He called frequently but I never thought of him anything else but a very close friend. My grandpa whom I love so dearly passed away on April 13, after suffering from stomach cancer for almost two years. He had undergone two major operations during the two years period. To an extend, I’m glad that God has taken him away from all the pain and suffering but on the hand, I will really miss having him around. I cried for a week every night. And still do when I think of him every now and then.
Somewhere early May, I started to realise that I’ve been thinking a lot about this colleague of mine (whom is more known as JC in all my blog entries). I thought it was merely some teenage crush (though I’m no longer a teenager at that time). And I knew that he always had treated me as a buddy or a close friend, even a lil sister, but I never thought that he would have felt the same way I did for him. I tried to ignore the feelings I had for him, for I do enjoy our friendship very much and would rather not ruin it. And afterall, he was after another girl at that time and I was merely a girl-friend he turns to for advise on how to proceed with this girl he liked. I did envy this girl to a certain extend, for I knew that I would never be seen “that” way by any other guys. I’ve always been a buddy-buddy kinda girl rather than a girl that guys would fall for. Somehow, fate took sharp turns and we both ended up together after we both confessed that we actually do have feelings for each other. It’s sweet. But then again, I’ve to remind myself that life’s not all about fairy tales and happily-ever-after. For relationships to work, we both have to work hard towards compromising each other differences and meet in the middle.
A close college friend of mine then told me something that soon started to test our friendship. It started to rock the foundation of our friendship, but I’m glad at the end of the day, it’s much stronger that anything else. I’m really flattered that someone whom I can connect with spritually so well could like me for my personality despite knowing how ugly I can be deep inside me. It’s true when I say that it is only he who could understand how I feel and what I’m going through, coz he’s going through the same thing that I’m. I’ve never seen myself as someone with “pleasant personality” and never knew that it could capture someone’s attention. And to this very dear friend of mine, thank you. Thank you for teaching me the things that I could not see, feeling the things that I dare not feel, and most importantly, thank you for supporting me in times when I’m all alone. I do sincerely hope that I could help you as much as I could, but in order to do that, I need to sort out the things in my life beforehand.
In June, I took my very first ICAEW exam paper. I’ve also been attending church regularly (thanks to JC) who did very much good for my mental and spiritual health. It did help me a lot as I was actually resorting to alcohol to help me get through depression. I’ve made a list of movies which I wanna watch (for the first time for some or for the ump-teenth time for others). Passed one of my ICAEW paper (which I’m extremely thankful for) thanks to prayers of many.
Somewhere mid-June to July, the FIFA World Cup was on. Extremly glad that Italy won!
Went for a treasure hunting trip organised by my company to Lumut in August. Really had fun there. Organised a BBQ gathering with my family members back in Malacca. Sucessful and extremly glad to spend time with loved ones. Still fighting a contineous battle with my like-hate relationship with work. Felt extremely frusrated at times, even at the verge of breaking down.Helped AYin start off her own blog site (which she has two now).
In September, was really looking forward to celebrating Mooncake Festival (also known as mid-spring festival). Was really dissapointed that I did not get to play with any tanglong. Though it’s merely a childish act of carrying tanglong around, it’s really symbolic to me as it reminds me of my cousins back home and how much I miss them during these kind of occasions or celebrations. Also reminds me of the youth that I know I can’t turn back and have anymore.
The struggle of life at work still continues, even at a bigger magnitude than before. I really do feel guilty for those who suffers alongside with me. But it is indeed something that keeps me going on, the tremendous support from those who truly cares. On the other hand, am trying my best to be a good guidance and pillar to my dear AYin, who is also fighting her own battle of self-discovery as well as adapting to new environment and people. AYin, just want to tell you that I’m always here for you okies? I fell sick for a period of 1 week. Threw out and could not eat. Had high fever and down again for multiple times in a day. Had rashes on my body which I've never seen before. The medicine which the Doctor prescribed me did not work. Went to AFei's dad, who dignose that I've overstrained my liver and that it's mainly attributed to my lifestyle as well as my stress level (which has always been at a high level since I started doing my ACCA papers). I did made me think alot of my life, which made me even more depressed as I felt that my life is kind of empty, meaningless and purposeless.
November, where barely nothing really significant happens, but yet, as I mentally do a stocktake of my life as at to date (more like an interim recap so to speak) I really wonder, have I really gone this far? Or am I still back to square one? I look back at the 11 months I’ve gone through. Life has always been a constant battle. Let it be of work, relationship, friendship, and family ties. People walk in and out of my life (temporary and even permanantly). New friendships built, but some old ones just slowly fades and pass us by. The one remained, I do keep so carefully. It’s not easy making new friends at this age. But it’s even more difficult to keep old ones. Relationships (as again mentioned) is not a bed of roses. To make it work, both parties have to invest effort and learn to give and take as well as practise patience to deal with each other's shortcomings. Family conflicts are always there. The problems I have with my Mom can't seem to be resolved as we both are equally hot-tempered and pig-headed. Insults are hurled at each other, which is not healthy for at the end of the day, both parties will lose out and nobody wins.
In December, at the end of my two weeks trip to Miri, where I was suppose to sit down, think, and consider on how to proceed on with my life, I’ve come to a conclusion that I should leave it the way it is for the time being. Is it merely because I’m afriad to take that little step out of my “norm-zone” and be something I want to be? Or merely the fact that something’s telling me that the timing is not right? I do not know, but I am where I am now. And not to say that I’m extremely happy, but it’s a decision that I have to live with because I’ve made that decision. I’ve turned 21 on Dec 4. Celebrated with a family members. Not exactly a fan of big parties, so I didn’t have those grand celebration that some did. Had a Christmas celebration back in Malacca (again with my loved ones). Did has a bad experience of food poisoning, the cause of it still remains unknown. And so a year has come and pass… As fast as it comes, as fast as it went by… Through it all, it’s ups and downs, I would never want to ever turn back time and exchange it for anything, for it has made me the person I am now.
Goodbye 2006…
Welcome 2007…
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